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Dec 30 2013

Man With Gas Ends Up in Nebraska – An ECig Love Story

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Here An E-Cigarette Love Story That We Made Up Just For You

 

Camels Thanksgiving Ad - E-cigarette newsLast Thanksgiving, Detective John Zeferton was reading the daily paper when he came across an interesting advertisement. It claimed that tobacco cigarettes were good for your digestion. Having suffered from digestive problems all his life, John took great interest in the ad which contained curious and unconventional methods for eating your dinner.

The ad suggested that John smoke a Camel cigarette after every course. If he felt gluttonous, Camel suggested, “by all means”, have a second helping, but before you do, smoke another camel.”

No matter how many courses you ate, Camel promised better digestion if you smoked a fresh ciggy after each one. Doing so would set you right up with a sense of “digestive well-being”.

John was convinced. He would give it a try, so that morning he went out and purchased three cartons of Camel cigarettes; enough to last him through his current undercover assignment which required a long road trip to Chicago; a great town known for excellent restaurants and lots of wind.

 

27750-spJohn set off on his journey that night, and by dawn, both he and his vehicle were low on fuel.  Luckily, he noticed a signpost that said, “Eat Here, Get Gas”, so he stopped.

After refueling his Chevy he entered the diner and sat down near the window. The place was desolate so John took out a quarter and went over to an old jukebox. It looked like it hadn't been used since 1969, the year Jim Morrison was arrested for exposing himself at a concert. John quickly dismissed the thought and concentrated on finding a tune by Earth, Wind and Fire but he had to settle for “Blowin’ in the Wind”, by Peter Paul and Mary.

As he returned to his table, John's stomach grumbled noisily. He was really famished having driven through the night with only Camels to quell his appetite. When a pimply faced server finally took his order, the hungry detective decided on a mighty breakfast consisting of juice, eggs, oatmeal, pancakes, Salisbury steak and pecan pie with ice cream. 

In keeping with his personal dietary mission, John made sure to light up a Camel in between every course. He smoked each one right down to the butt. Apparently the diner owners hadn’t gotten wind of any smoking zone regulations. But then again, he was in Winston Salem.

By the time he had finished his gargantuan, seemingly endless meal, John had forgotten how it tasted. He also felt slightly nauseated, but figured it was part of Camel’s grand plan of “digestive well-being”.

Before leaving (and because he was a highly logical individual), John paid an extended and regrettable visit to the diner’s disgusting, dimly lit bathroom. He emerged stumbling from the foul facility and nearly tripped over a dwarf wearing a windbreaker.

“Hey, watch it”, the little man said.

“Sorry, said John with some embarrassment.

He tried to suppress a bit of residual flatulence, but failed. The dwarf just smiled, held his breath and said, “Where you headed pal?”

“Going West on a bit of business.” 

“Can you give me a lift?”, said the stranger eagerly. “You see, I’m headed that way too, to see my sister Ethel, but I’ve run out of gas, money and luck.”

Being a detective and a shrewd judge of character, John agreed, so they got in his car and off they went.

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Both John and the dwarf, whose name was Gustav, (Gust for short), chatted for hours, smoking packs of cigarettes and exchanging crude jokes, until John had to pull into a truck stop outside Gastonia for a breather and another bowel movement.

When he returned to his Chevy there was no sign of Gust. Something wasn't right. At first John thought that Gust had one too many smokes and had caught a case of the runs himself, but after a half hour of wondering and waiting, he realized the little fellow was not going to return.

Feeling uneasy about the whole situation, John lit up a Camel. Suddenly and without warning, he started gagging, coughing and breaking wind along the way.

A baseball capped boy playing nearby began to laugh, but his face quickly paled and he ran away holding his nose.

John continued to hack relentlessly, leaning against the Chevy, gasping for breath.

Finally, an attractive woman came to the unfortunate detective's aid, handing him a bottle of water which John accepted eagerly.

“I’m Gale”, she said cheerfully, waving away a strange lingering odor she couldn't quite identify.

“Hi,” he said, coughing between gulps. “Name's John and thanks for rescuing me.”

“I see you smoke”.

“Yeah…they’re supposed to be good for my digestion”.

“Hah!”  laughed Gale. “Good for impotence, erectile disfunction, cancer, emphysema and stinky breath.”

“Stinky breath? Really? No one every told me my breath smelled bad.”

“I used to smoke”, she admitted, “but now I vape electronic cigarettes. See?”

Vapor CoutureGale took what looked liked a slim silver cigarette from her purse. She took a puff without lighting up and blew a large amount of vapor in John's face.

“These are Vapor Couture e-cigs, designed for women.”

“Now that doesn't doesn’t smell at all”, he said with some astonishment.

“Of course not”, she replied.  “It’s just water vapor, a bit of nicotine and flavorings. All FDA approved!

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John, being a law abiding citizen liked that, but unfortunately he was now hooked on Camels.

“Well..thanks for the demonstration Gale…and the water too.”  He got in his car and turned the ignition but the car wouldn’t start. He checked the battery gauge which looked good, but his gas tank was reading empty. Someone had siphoned off the entire tank. Gust no doubt. How the dwarf could haul all that gas back to his own car was still a mystery.

Exasperated and feeling cheated, John threw the remaining cartons of Camels out the window.  Gale just rolled her eyes and took another puff on her Vapor Couture e-cigarette. She then offered it to John.

Aren’t these for women”, he said?

“Just try it”, she replied amiably.

John was amazed. “This is like smoking! But does it give you gas?”.

“No, silly….and no wild claims with e-cigarettes. They’re just a safer alternative to smoking the cancer sticks”.

John took a second puff at the same time Gail thought of a brilliant idea.

“Why not let me buy the gas to get us to my house? My sister can drive my car home.”

“That’s very generous, Gale” he replied, trying to hide his delight. “It seems I have little choice. Where do you live?”

“Nebraska”, she said demurely.

 

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About the author

Hillary

Hillary Miles is an Emmy Award winning television producer who contributes to several websites including Cloud NineSavvy Examiner and Best E-Cigarette Guide. A dedicated supporter of electronic cigarettes and the vaping industry, Hillary has been testing and reviewing vaping products for over 8 years.

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